My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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