Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
