i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
