I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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