I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Cover your peen. We're going out.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
