My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
There are leaves in my underwear?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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