We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
