I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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