I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
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