You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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