i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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