babies were throwing up all over the place
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
