Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
