Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
