If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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