Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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