can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
