I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
