i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
