I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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