currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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