my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
