I wanna bring you to show and tell
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
MIDGETS
????
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
