Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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