I accidentally had phone sex last night
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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