Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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