never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
