Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
