Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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