Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
