he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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