Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
