Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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