How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
