I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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