Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I supernannyed him into submission
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
