Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
