Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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