Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
