I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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