the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize