I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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