I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
