I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
