I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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