you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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