I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
