But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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