put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
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Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
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Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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