she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
