girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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