Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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