Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
dude. I can hear the air.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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