How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
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I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
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Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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