You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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