he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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