You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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