is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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