dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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