i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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