I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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