There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
