i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
