I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
