I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
