No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
