My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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